A long time acquaintance lost his wife recently due to cancer. His Facebook posting was truly amazing. During a time about 1981-82, Jonathan Kramer and I shared an office while working for my father’s company in Ventura, Western Cable Enterprises, Inc. We went our separate ways for decades and thankfully have reconnected thanks to LinkedIn and Facebook.
First, his post. Then my response.
###
Some 12,332 days ago (33 years, 8 months, 26 days ago) I met Sharon Joy Berman. Then, a mere 11,894 days ago (32 years, 5 months, and 5 days ago) I married Sharon.
Sharon was a strong and confident person, and a professional who started her own business nearly 30 years ago.
A bit over 8 years ago, Sharon was diagnosed with breast cancer.
The cancer was removed, along with a part of her breast, plus chemo. We thought that was the end of that.
It wasn't.
Two years later, Sharon was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer (the same as had invaded her breast) which had metastasized to her brain. She had two brain operations to remove the cancer and more chemo. We thought that was the end of that.
It wasn't.
About 1.5 years after her brain surgery, Sharon suffered a stroke related to the brain surgery. She had remarkable help in the way of physical therapy and occupational therapy, and ongoing chemo. We thought that was the end of that.
It wasn't.
Two and a quarter years ago, I started on the road to a VSG to regain control of my own life. One and three quarter years ago I had the VSG and shed 135 pounds, was no longer diabetic, off of other meds, and I weigh less than 12,332 days ago.
Sharon's joke was that I was preparing myself for my next wife. She even told me who(m) I was allowed to marry in the event that the cancer came back. She said I looked so good that I'd have women with frozen casseroles waiting in line ready for the moment she passed.
That was Sharon.
Yeah, but no thanks.
About 2 years ago Sharon sold her business to her senior manager who had, for all intents and purposes, become Sharon's daughter (we had no kids together, and I was her only known husband).
A few months ago, Sharon was diagnosed with the same cancer. This time it invaded her lungs, breasts, and thoracic cavity. We knew that was not the end of that.
And it wasn't.
Today, some 24,698 days into her life (67 years, 7 months, and 14 day), Sharon passed quietly in the hospital here in Santa Monica. At the moment she passed, her sister held one of her hands, and I held Sharon's other hand. Other family members, including my daughter from a previous marriage, as well as friends were also holding her her as Sharon passed on.
It was a loving death.
It was a painless death.
It was a death with dignity and respect.
And it was.
I stayed with Sharon until it was time to move her body to the mortuary. I saw her safely into the bay of the van and watched as the van drove off.
As of today, I spent 49.931% of her life IN her life, and now I begin a new chapter of being 100% in her next adventure.
Sharon will be buried in the family plot next week. She'll be beside her father and mother, and her brother who died in his early teens decades ago. He died from leukemia.
Sharon's parents made sure that I would have a burial plot next to hers waiting for me to join her and the rest of her (and my) family when it is my time.
Now, at 69 years of age...70 in December...I hope I'll have more than a few years of good health to live and remember Sharon, largely and directly because Sharon supported me moving forward to capture control of my health through the VSG. (Sharon was always a 'normal' weight person.)
I've attached some photos of our wedding; a picture of Sharon taken last year; and one of me holding her hand shortly after she passed today.
Yes, Sharon LOVED her jewelry and even had a long running podcast about jewelry and decorative arts..."The Jewelry Journey"). A couple of months ago my daughter, Aleah interviewed Sharon for The Jewelry Journey...a first! Now we'll turn that interview into a remembrance. Sharon and Aleah were very, very close.
I share with with you because we are all interconnected, and I honor Sharon by sharing this with all of you.
I hope this brings something to your life; it has for me today by simply penning these words.
Jonathan
###
My message to him:
I just don’t know what to write. I can’t send a card and hide behind the corporate created sentiments because I don’t have your address. I know the experts say not to tell stories about yourself in these situations. Alas, I have no other frame of reference.
Late last night I saw your post about losing Sharon, and for some reason it really hit me. I was already restless much of yesterday for a number of unimportant reasons—maybe it was the extra Diet Pepsi I drank in the afternoon. In part it was because of a truly minor health condition I’m going through that in comparison is nothing to what so many of my friends and family are experiencing. Nonetheless, in rare form, sleep eluded me until almost 3 a.m. You were on my mind a lot.
I’m truly sorry for your loss.
In this grand scheme of retirement, I had hoped we would be traveling more and visiting more. Yet, time, schedules, and finances still have their limits on all of us.
I wish I could have met Sharon. She sounds like she was a perfect life partner for you and your daughter. Your post was filled with that tenderness. I read the post to my wife and shared the photos. In an odd twist since March, a former fellow Deputy, now an attorney and neighbor, lost his wife to cancer. Just a couple months later, his brother and Fresno PD officer who Kari worked with, also lost his wife to a different type of cancer. One of my favorite Sergeants passed away recently from yet another third form of cancer with his memorial on Monday afternoon. His sister was with my department before going to Fresno PD where Kari met her.
I don’t share this with any illusion that this will help alleviate your grief. It’s just that I’m acutely aware that others are suffering greatly and I feel helpless because I have nothing to offer to truly help except being there as I can.
I would love to attend the service for Sharon and see you, yet I’m already certain my upcoming week’s schedule and medical appointments in combination with distance and travel time will likely prevent it. I hope I can see you later and spend some time together under less stressful circumstances.
Just know, you and your family are in our prayers.
Please forgive if I’m incorrect. As I recall you are Jewish. I have a good friend who is Jewish and a former Rabi—who married a Christian (they successfully raised a family in a dual faith home). As co-leaders with adjacent operations when we were in Yosemite, we had some entertaining and deep conversations about our faiths. My running joke with him was that he has only focused on the first half of the Bible. We were always there for each other when strength from our faiths were needed. With that same common spirit with you, I share these two excerpts from my nightly devotional that I read yesterday. They coincidentally seemed relevant.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever. Psalm 73: 26 (NLT)
The Night Prayer was from the Iona Community in Scotland:
Bless to us, O God, the moon that is above us, The earth that is beneath us, the friends who are around us, Your image deep within us, the rest which is before us.
Peace be with you in the coming days.
###
Look, I'm not one to believe in conspiracy theories. Sure, I listen to them occasionally--and rarely one turns out to be almost true.
I believe the earth is round and we landed on the moon--many times. Heck, I witnessed the launch of Apollo 11 in person.
People who think otherwise are idiots or trolls.
I believe September 11th was not an inside job, and people really died on that day. I have a work friend who lost her uncle on Flight 175 (the second plane into the towers).
People who think otherwise are idiots or trolls.
And while I truly don't think it's happened, I do wonder why the scourge of cancer continues to exist in our world with all our medical expertise and technology around the globe. I really don't want to believe that a remedy or treatment exists out there yet is hidden away by some pharmaceutical company or group hell-bent on using for their own purposes or plan. Cancer is a huge business, and if suddenly went away or greatly diminished rather easily, the financial impact in the medical industry would be profound. As such, I really don't want to believe that is true. And even in the remotest chance that it is true, wouldn't other scientists around the world potentially come to the same answers and publicly broadcast it?
Cancer just sucks.
